C4 turns coy

Hmmm. Not exactly sure I wish to watch “Four Rooms” – C4’s exciting new series pitting antiques experts against sellers in another profit-fest for our mass delectation.

In tonight’s episode, apparently, these experts get to pronounce on JK Rowling’s chair, the original music score for Psycho, artwork by Marlon Brando, Francis Bacon’s paint brushes – and an antique dipso.

Huh? They’ve exhumed George Best?

No, daft person! Someone is bringing an old dingo to the table.

Surely you mean disco: you know.. . one of those 70’s affairs at which they still play Gary Glitter when no-one else happens to be listening.

No, no, no, no, no!

Its an old dildo. An antique dildo, no less.. .

But C4, in its wisdom, has decided that while it is OK for ordinary folk to watch expert personages hold, display and otherwise fondle this object on the box (oooer, missus!) at 8pm on a weekday…we just mustn’t – No, really mustn’t! – read the word.

Which is why their freeview info on the show (which I assume to have been written by C4…but maybe got censored by those nice sky fairies that beam this stuff magically into our homes) refers only to a di**o.

How nice to have a pure mind.. . and how awful twould be for poor unsuspecting children to flick to the show info and read a horrid word like “dildo”. Tis enough to make our boy’s *unt weep.

Whadya mean, cut the smut: his *unt…my sister, of course…

jane xx

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