1. Towel off after a nice warm bath.
2. Lie back on your bed and glare balefully at the peach fuzz that seems to have sprouted over the last couple of weeks on your lower legs.
3. Apply epilator gently to inside of legs. Hmmm: not bad. This isn’t hurting a bit!
4. Startle, as cat lands on your tummy, in search of cat treats.
5. Drop epilator. (Note to reader: at this point, your position is mostly horizontal, with legs sort of directly above the rest of your body. This is lazy upside down epilation!)
6. Squeak, as epilator dives straight down between your legs and begins a valiant assault on your pubes all by itself.
7. Grab frantically at epilator in attempt to pull it away from said sensitive area before it can engage fully.
8. Feel sad sicky feeling in pit of stomach as epilator locks on to pubic hair, clogs, and stops whirring.
9. Squeak even more loudly as your frantic grabbing connects with epilator just after it has locked – and before your brain has had time to register that NOT PULLING would be a very good idea in this situation.
11. Roll over gently: switch off epilator at mains; slowly, gingerly turn cogs backward in vain attempt to disentangle aforementioned torture device from pubes without ripping out any additional foliage.
12. Vow never to epilate upside down again.