Grrr… I had hoped, by now, to have a clean bill of health. My appointment with the consultant was set for half seven on Tuesday. Then, last minute call: he is actually in Atlantis, or possibly some mythical continent like America, and therefore very unlikely to be seeing me on the day.
So i must file the really important questions: like can i go back to dancing yet? And the interesting ones, like…can i experiment with a vibrator?
Oh, FFS! I have been celibate for almost two years …in pretty much every sense: and i am a freshly-minted re-virgin, who has been doing painful stuff “down under” for the last three months…and suddenly the latter is no longer quite so painful and…as per last post or so, nerves seem to be starting to make a comeback and i am rediscovering …well, for want of a better word…i am discovering horniness.
But more on that later.
What it also means is that i am starting to do the explore thing. To look and feel and touch: by no means all, or even mostly, with any erotic gameplan in mind.
No: i just want to know what the new me looks like. And, vain girl that i am, i definitely reckon i have healed slightly lop-sided.
The skin on the side where i had the massive haematoma seems to have stretched more…or maybe shrunk less than the skin on the other side. So, stood today dead centre over a large mirror, i look like my new apparatus leans to one side.
Either that, or i have gained something that looks suspiciously like a parrot’s beak between my legs! The horror!
(And no: photographic evidence of same would definitely be a step too far).
So. Hopefully back for a fresh appointment next week and also hopefully da man wid da knife will agree that the finish is definitely in need of a nip.
Not least because the other side effect of my current labial arrangement is that i cannot pee straight. If for no other reason than saving the planet, i need to be splattering less and therefore using a lot less loo roll.
Do i care overmuch? Yes. No. Maybe.
I remain utterly ecstatic at the new me. IN a way, the feeling does not diminish, so much as grow. Bizarrely, for the first few weeks it didn’t feel quite real.
Now, it is. I am a middle-aged woman with a penchant for scattiness – and the rest of my life in front of me. Twould be nice to go forward with a tidy anatomy. But it won’t much upset me if i don’t.
What i have now is worth living.