It isn’t meant to feel like this. I’m sure its not. But every time i think we’re back to plain sailing, the post-op fall-out rises up to bite me. This time, very very nastily.
I am (or rather, since i’d hardly be blogging this as it happens, i was!) lying on a bathroom floor. Curled. Its less painful this way.
Its the day after our midnight dash “oop north”, with car on the blink and lack of proper dilating implements. The day itself has been a complete mix. Morning turned quickly to panic with two pretty unfortunate events.
The car’s temperature took a turn for the even worse, so meaning that all plans for the rest of the weekend had to be cancelled. And a panic phone call from my daughter to say she’s been mugged, or at least robbed whilst out and about in Stamford and is very shaky, very tearful…
Do i need to head back south? In the end, probably not: but trying to help her sotrt stuff out from a distance is stressful and its not until a couple of hours later that i feel i can relax a little.
Then its back to the dilation routing, complete with turkey baster, before helping Faith (my hostess for the weekend) prepare for her uncle’s retirement party. Mostly, its good: i enjoy the socialisation, enjoy the atmosphere.
But by mid-evening, i can feel that i am flagging. No. More than flagging. Something hurts…and its getting hurtier.
Ah. Now is not a good time to remember that since i haven’t needed pain relief for the best part of three weeks i have none with me: my stacks of tramadol are safely locked up at home, still.
It gets worse… i feel faint… head upstairs for a brief liedown and maybe a dip. Bathing has become both soothing and addictive.
This doesn’t work. In fact, pretty much nothing works apart from curling up on the floor (which is where we began this post) and making silly animal noises.
How long for? Dunno…maybe i stayed down for about twenty minutes…and then the pain began to subside.
Back up and about a day later, i start to rationalise. Its not the sutures. Nor is it the separations. Weirdly, the greatest pain seems to be where there has been the least work…
I’m guessing…maybe someone else can help me on this…that as things become less numb, so nerves that have been lying dormant are taking one last chance to express their discontent.
The pain also seems to be a little higher than usual…in and around the area of my new clitoris – which also seems, for the first time, to be regaining sensation. But stiff, as though the skin is being pulled.
I dunno…maybe its just i overdid it on the dilation a day earlier…or overdid it on the travel and partying on the night.
Whatever, its sobering reminder that this op is not over quickly. That it still has the potential to inflict pain…and that pain can be as intense as anything i felt in the immediate aftermath of the operation.