I can’t remember if i actually poste about this, or whether i dreamt it or…well, whatever. Not that long back i was chatting to friends – and one friend in particular – about the joys of oestrogen.
How, for me, it was just such a total feelgood drug. I am happier, more contented, more laid back, more at peace with the world. And that doesn’t even begin to enumerate the other benefits. The improved skin tone. The better hair. Oh: and the boobs and general all over feminisation.
We discussed whether it might have a social role. Maybe if some of the more violent types were sentenced to regular oestrogen injections, they’d be a bit less violent – and able to function again in society without the need to lock them up or indulge in other kneejerk reactionary responses.
And we also decided that oestrogen was too good for them: that blokes like that just didn’t deserve it.
OK. It wsn’t a very serious conversation, since we also detoured to chat about personal life and do the odd bit of bitching. Though i guess there was an element of seriousness at the heart.
And now i discover, courtesy of today’s Telegraph, that there is absolutely nothing new under the sun. That during the last war, British Intelligence came up with a number of cunning plans to bugger up the German War Machine – and one of these plans involved sneaking regular doses of oestrogen into Hitler’s food.
The theory was that a feminised Hitler would be a much cuddlier, mellower proposition.
Hmmm. I get their general drift. And they weren’t being totally daft. The piece claims that whilst Intelligence could have access to Hitler’s food, swift-acting poisons would have been caught by the food tasters…whilst something slow and mood-altering, like oestrogen, would slip by unnoticed.
I fear, however, there are two probs with that plan. First, it is unlikely that the Brits could have guaranteed an uninterrupted supply of oestrogen. And whilst steady state oestrogen might result in feminisation and a gentler, kinder Hitler…episodic oestrogen…now its up, now its down… could have just as likely the opposite effects.
My own experience of oestrogen withdrawl, apparently, closely mimicked a cross between pmt and a menopause and…well, the thought of Hitler with pmt just doesn’t bear thinking.
And of course, there was the other major flaw in the plan. The one big boob that might have given it away. Er: boobs…
Methinks that Hitler and the German High Command might have noticed if Herr Adolf started to sprout a pair of 36C bosoms…not to mention the devastating effect such a plan might have had on his moustache.
At which point, would they have retaliated. Eeek! WWII re-run with a femionised Churchill and feminised Joseph Stalin would certainly have been interesting. Something author Michael Moorcock would have made great gfun of writing about (and no: that isn’t a bad pun…he really is called Moorcock and…that is just the sort of topic he’d have gone for).
Update: the Telegraph may have been restrained. Not so, the Mirror, who have leapt into the sex change horrorcaust feet first.
And the Mail don’t fail to disappoint either…