Recuperation is definitely harder than it looks. I’m now almost four weeks post-op and the big medical things seem to be clearing up. The swelling is mostly gone down – though not quite. I still notice when i sit awkwardly and there is a numbness about parts of my nether regions that wasn’t there before.
The sutures still pull: if anything, the more mobile i am, the more they nip…and whilst i’m mostly off the pain relief, i do notice that if i stay off too long and do too much, there is still some pain in and around the op site.
Still, its pretty much OK. The only big thing that is very noticeable is energy or…contrawise…tiredness. My usual working day has always tended to be a dynamic morning, followed by an afternoon energy lull (sometimes even an afternoon nap) and then a late afternoon/evening reprise. At present, however, things aren’t quite working like that.
I still get the morning energy. But then the afternoon lull sets in and hits me like a brick wall. Yesterday, i was out and about doing stuff…and by the time i got back home ready to do afternoon things, i was stiff…sore…and utterly exhausted. That is: exhausted to the point it hurt to stay on my feet. And once on the sofa, my eyes just drifted shut and i went into one of those low energy dozes i really don’t like.
So that’s the overall picture.
Layered over the top of that is dilation, which today took a turn for the strange. It is still a tad awkward, because there are two suture lines that fall in the “wrong” places. One makes withdrawing of the dilator painful…or rather, makes it smart for a couple of seconds: the other is fine til it comes to douching, at which point it pulls and makes me worry about tearing myself.
Still, dilation itself is getting to be easy-peasy although, tiul today, i’d have said that the activity it represents is much over-rated. Even if sexual intimacy didn’t require a bloke to be attached to the other side, so to speak, its just spreading your legs and sticking something hard and uncomfortable inside.
Hmmm. Apparently not. As dilation has become easier, i’ve been exploring the sensation. This morning, for the first time, there was some very odd feeling alongside the usual boredom.
Whisper it low, but it was actually a bit pleasurable. I squeezed my pelvic floor and…experimented with allowing myself to feel the dilator (as opposed to just regarding it as rude intruder).
You know…its really quite a nice sensation. 🙂
I left the smaller dilator in for twelve minutes (as opposed to the allotted ten) and was even slightly disappointed by the need to remove it.
Perhaps its that the hormones are working again. Perhaps its something else.
Whatever it is, the thought of sexual intimacy is suddenly no longer up there with life on mars and honest politicians in the improbability league.