…I’ve had a few.
But then again, too few to mention. 🙂
And (lest i leave any reader in suspense), not a single one about my surgery. No: starting to recover, to come to terms with my adjusted or, as some would have it, “mutilated” body, i feel profoundly at peace with myself. Happy in a way its hard to remember ever being.
This is right. End of.
So just two thoughts. The first is that damnable curiosity of mine.
The psychs are keen to analyse and attempt to explain away every last millimetre of transition. Mostly, i suspect, without actually having a clue.
But has anyone looked seriously at those who later claim to regret their choice? I was very impressed by Natacha Kennedy’s deconstruction of one prominent “expert” – media Doctor, Az Hakeem – at the conference organised to protest the Royal College of Psychiatry’s ill-conceived review of trans issues earlier this year.
Natacha looked at a supposedly scientific study he published and tore the numbers into shreds. And if i have a chance (Natacha: over to you) i will happily republish her presentation on here.
Still, i’d like to know: who gets to the doors of the operating theatre and hasn’t thought it thru? Who goes all the way and then wakes up, puts a hand between their legs and goes “ooops!”? And how do they manage it?
Is the rest of their life equally chaotic? Or – and i’ll apologise now if i sound too flippant, too judgmental – what on earth goes wrong?
Dunno. IT just feels to me, from having had to answer all manner of other difficult to impossible questions over my lifetime, that sometimes looking at a different question can shed light on the ones you can’t answer. Instead of asking and asking and asking whether someone knows their own mind over transition – how about looking at those who didn’t, and identifying what it is about them that could have, should have been spotted.
Because, from where i’m sat, it doesn’t feel as though its much to do with people not having done their groundwork or lived their rle or not filled out their scrapbook (as at least one GIC appears to want you to).
I followed the process. I knew how to follow the process and i am pretty sure that i could have made a convincing case for my transition whether i meant it or not. The thing is: i knew. I so knew it was what i needed that the process was a total farce. Just a bunch of hoops to jump through in order to get to where i had to go.
So, no: i don’t believe the process protects as much as its meant to. But still, just who is being protected from what? Over to anyone else who cares to comment.
And second thought? Just a song, which i’ve always loved for its simple magnificence and which feels exceedingly appropriate to this post.
Sleep well, everyone.