Dilator envy…

For a member of a group that is, according to some so-called experts, either “deceptively homosexual” or “repressed homosexual”, i am Little Miss Innocence when it comes to willies!

I’ve never been greatly fascinated by the things (which i’ve always regarded as aesthetically yuck): and have not had a great model in my own which, even before the onset of hormones, was variously described by partners as being on the less well-endowed side. (Another clue? That fact never much bothered me: trans cause or trans effect?).

My general ignorance of matters penile plus female scurrilousness, came together yesterday to create an amusing interlude.

Close friend Fiona called round. She is medically trained, so had some interest in what had been done – and what i was doing now. Dilation “came up”.

The lunch box (in which they are kept) was produced: and Fiona and andrea spent five minutes discussing them matter of factly. Their see-through perspexness was admired. The small dilator was dismissed equally by both women as not worth bothering with. (I think its a 2.5cm circumference and yes: whilst on first presentation i found it formidable, i, too, now consider it to be a fairly inadequate specimen).

Slightly more interest shown in the large dilator (which i think is 3cm around). But still: neither was especially impressed by it.

Much estimating and gesticulating with thumb and forefinger, and andrea concluding fairly matter-of-factly that it was still not as large as the average male.

I “ulped”. You mean?


Now, ask me again in a couple of weeks when i may have followed in the footsteps of other trans women i know , and happily upgraded to the next size up.

But at this moment, the large is pretty daunting. The very thought of having something that size up me and in the control of/attached to a large and sexually aroused bloke is very scary.

The thought must have shown in my face, as the two more experinced girls seemed to find my own reaction rather amusing.

Again, ask me once more in a few months.

Tis all very new and my perspective on loads of stuff is changing rapidly. Just the geometry of my new anatomy makes me feel that much more vulnerable – though that could change in a blink, both with change of attitude and as the painfulness of dilation subsides.

We shall see.

Meanwhile, though, the lesson from this week is that i may have a closer approximation to female anatomy but, when it comes to penetration, i am still a total wuss.



12 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Sarah Brown said,

    Keep hold of that little one. I stopped using it after a few months, but now after over 4 years, when I get guilt tripped into dilating every six weeks or so (according to Phil, you need to put *something* up past the prostate regularly long term to prevent sepsis), it’s worth it’s little Perspex weight in gold. The big one hurts if I shove it to depth, the little one is much more comfortable. Can just shove it in, put legs together, and read a book or browse the web for half an hour before popping it out and going to sleep.

    • 2

      janefae said,

      er…when you say slip it in…i remain nervous that i’m not going far enough. A quick check last night with a ruler suggested some 12.5 cm – or 5″ – are regularly inside, which feels much like what was advised.

      But that leaves half the dilator outside.

      Let me know if i’ve been making some sort of dread mistake…


      • 3

        Sarah Brown said,

        They’re 20cm long. To get that depth, you’d likely have to cut through te peritoneal membrane.

        5 inches is plenty. With time, you may be able to get extra depth if you want it.

        If you’re not sure you’re touching bottom, can always use a mirror and desk lamp to take a look. Handy, them being Perspex!

  2. 4

    Becca said,

    Suggest choosing one attached to a small and sexually aroused bloke instead…

    Or indeed stay with the ladies and have some choice in the size of the strap-on!

  3. 6

    Sarah Brown said,

    Re, the average male, they’re squishy and Perspex isn’t. Semi related factoid – with time and dilation comes experience of controlling the pelvic floor. Trans women can squeeze harder than cis women, typically. You must only use this knowledge for evil!

    Also, isn’t it a shame that vagina dentata isn’t an optional surgical extra? I’d totally have paid for that.

  4. 7

    bobette said,

    Why did you go for the vagina anyway? Just curious whether it’s expected of grs or by choice. I am quite happy with being male, but if i were to change sex, i would quite happily lose the penis but not gain the vagina.

    • 8

      janefae said,

      ah. andrea asks the same question, too, and there’s a very long answer that will be up soon. For me, its what i call developing empathy: its about aligning myself with those people and groups with whom i identify, not in some simple mimic sense, but in terms of developing similar emotional and other responses to situations. your solution effectively recreates me as a third gender, which i don’t identify as.


  5. 11

    bobette said,

    Thanks, that’s useful info. i guess i do identify as a third gender as i definitely am not female, though i’m not exactly male either..

  6. 12

    katrina2 said,

    Your first dilation, would have seemed to have gone deeper than of late, this is because; as swellin subsides; it reveals more of the dilator. You should be able to acheave, 150mm the dilator is 190mm. You know when you are fully in (a) it touches at the base of your back, or feels as tho’ (b) if you shine a light down the dilator, as it enters, you will notice that it pushes open a white wall tunnel, the centre of which is black, guide the tip of dilator thru’ the centre, untill the black becomes white; or a mere speck, you have reached bottom.

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