For a member of a group that is, according to some so-called experts, either “deceptively homosexual” or “repressed homosexual”, i am Little Miss Innocence when it comes to willies!
I’ve never been greatly fascinated by the things (which i’ve always regarded as aesthetically yuck): and have not had a great model in my own which, even before the onset of hormones, was variously described by partners as being on the less well-endowed side. (Another clue? That fact never much bothered me: trans cause or trans effect?).
My general ignorance of matters penile plus female scurrilousness, came together yesterday to create an amusing interlude.
Close friend Fiona called round. She is medically trained, so had some interest in what had been done – and what i was doing now. Dilation “came up”.
The lunch box (in which they are kept) was produced: and Fiona and andrea spent five minutes discussing them matter of factly. Their see-through perspexness was admired. The small dilator was dismissed equally by both women as not worth bothering with. (I think its a 2.5cm circumference and yes: whilst on first presentation i found it formidable, i, too, now consider it to be a fairly inadequate specimen).
Slightly more interest shown in the large dilator (which i think is 3cm around). But still: neither was especially impressed by it.
Much estimating and gesticulating with thumb and forefinger, and andrea concluding fairly matter-of-factly that it was still not as large as the average male.
I “ulped”. You mean?
Now, ask me again in a couple of weeks when i may have followed in the footsteps of other trans women i know , and happily upgraded to the next size up.
But at this moment, the large is pretty daunting. The very thought of having something that size up me and in the control of/attached to a large and sexually aroused bloke is very scary.
The thought must have shown in my face, as the two more experinced girls seemed to find my own reaction rather amusing.
Again, ask me once more in a few months.
Tis all very new and my perspective on loads of stuff is changing rapidly. Just the geometry of my new anatomy makes me feel that much more vulnerable – though that could change in a blink, both with change of attitude and as the painfulness of dilation subsides.
We shall see.
Meanwhile, though, the lesson from this week is that i may have a closer approximation to female anatomy but, when it comes to penetration, i am still a total wuss.