Toe in the water: naming the camel

And so, saturday, and the most important question of all. What to call it: my bits; my new lady part?

The debate kicked off fairly prematurely on Facebook amongst various female friends. In the blue corner the reactionary, the boisterous and the latest wave of feminists leapt in with the c-word. Which seems like as good a place as any to retell a slightly less than respectful religious joke:

His Holiness the Pope – for it is He! – is sat frowning one saturday afternoon over the weekend crossword. “Cardinale!”, he calls out. “Four letters. Female part. Ending in U-N-T”.

“Easy, your Holiness. That would be ‘aunt'”.

“Ah”. The Pope leans forward and carefully erases the first letter of his answer…

Well: I liked it.

More clinically, another friend volunteers “vagina” – only to be pedantically put right by someone who knows the anatomical difference between vagina and vulva.

“Fanny” has legs – though loses some points by the fact that my predictive texting rewrites it as “danny”. (Though for some odd reason, my phone also transliterates “cunt” to “fibre”. Huh?

Grasping at straws now, Andrea and Eleanor slip in with a flurry of ever more obscure terms. Poonanny, coochie, hooha​a and bearded oyster are followed shortly after by lady garden, foofoo and kebab.

I think i am even more confused than when we started, and therefore, a propos of nothing – and certainly lacking all sense of decorum – i volunteer the following scurrilous song, and await suggestions.

http://www.dailymotion.com/embed/video/x1t010
Camel Toe Song by Beaglefly

jane
xx

P.S., i wonder, in the end, if its not simply a matter of generation and place. I don’t mind the c-word, but dislike the shock it tends to bring along with it. Perhaps i will soon be learning a range of terms.

10 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    David Gerard said,

    I did give a friend a “Congratulations on your new cunt!” card after her op …

    • 2

      eclectic chicken said,

      I covered most bases with my card to jane… it read ‘cuntgratulations on your fannytastic new vagina’ (and it was pink and sparkly)🙂

  2. 3

    kathz said,

    If you are worried about the abusive connotations of the c-word (which I shall follow you in not writing out in full), have you thought of mediaeval versions, such as queynte (which appears in Chaucer and later mutates into quaint – you can check the curious etymology) or the slightly later cunny?

  3. 4

    julian said,

    “Cunny” I associate with poorly written internet “erotica.” Yuck.

    I use the rude term, but the terms I’ve known other women use for theirs include ladybits, business, tuppenny, foo and (bizarrely) “my frill.”

  4. 5

    kathz said,

    “Cunny” in that form goes back to at least the 17th century so well before the internet – and I once came across a good poem but can’t recall it. Before then “coney” was also used (meaning rabbit as well) but tends to have derogatory connotations. I can’t stand “tuppenny” personally – I find it far too twee – but it’s probably a matter of where and when terms are first encountered.

  5. 6

    janefae said,

    was reminded tonight of two nice italian words used in this context; “la fica” (fig) and “farfallina” (butterfly.

    jane
    xx

  6. 10

    debzf said,

    loved the song – had me in fits – hmm what to call lady bits is a problem i face in my job, minnie is one used a fair bit, also mary , tho am not so keen on that one, ‘under carriage’ is a bit of a mouthful (!) , but utterly harmless, i personally quite like ‘flange’ but it has engineering connotations so maybe not quite appropriate – call it what you will – a name will appear when u are least expecting it!!


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