Normal service resumes (sputteringly)

yay! i have pc access and am no longer horizontal to the world. Time to start to catch up again. 🙂

You left me, dear reader – much in the style of Perils of Pauline – about to enter upon a journey of no-return. I was decidedly stressed, not least because pretty much everyone kept asking a daft question: “are you sure?”

Now forgive me if this sounds a tad literal, but to me “sure” means 100%…and i’m not sure that i’ve ever been 100% “sure” of anything in my life. Marriage. Kids. Relationships. Maybe, if it were possible to measure such, i could have been 98% sure…or 97%…but 100%? Has anyone on this planet who is not actually a psychopath or some other kind of fanatic, ever been “sure”?

Like, even when you marry, they go “do you take this man/woman to be your awful bedded wife/husband?” That’s a yes/no: “I do”. Not “I’m 100% sure”.

So it was vexing although, as my last post maybe made clear, i sort of finessed it. In the end it FELT absolutely right, so that was ok.

Whereupon, life signed away in triplicate, twas down to the theatre and a rendez-vous with George Clooney lookalike no. 1 (my anaesthetist). And frustration. I was determined that my last chat as i went under would be serious, cause i wanted to understand blood pressure. Liz insisted on discussing kittens. Grrr!

But just a small prick…then cold, dark…and no prick at all. 🙂

I woke three/four hours later in something of a state. OK. I did not know i was in a state. But if i spoke with anyone out there in tuesday afternoon, twas the morphine talking. One former work colleague texted back on wednesday to say he could tell. Hmmm. How?

Note, however, to anyone else undergoing this experience: do not decide that you need to change your passwords whilst under the influence of morphine. I am still unpicking that rather irrational decision.

But i woke happy and, apparently, “beatific”. And it definitely was not all down to the morphine. No…the fact that i insisted within my first couple of sentence that we should “tease rachael” was probably down to the morphine.

Otherwise, though, i woke to new life, sort of, very happy and seriously confused.



3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    PaulaRose said,


    When I saw you had updated, I started breathing again. I’m glad you’re back and finally in one piece.

    Oh! My name’s Paula, by the way x

  2. 2

    you changed your passwords pre morphine…i suspect to cover tracks in case you died under the knife. It was only when you came round (sort of) and wanted me to post on facebook that you realised you couldn’t remember your password..and then remembered you’d changed all your passwords

    • 3

      janefae said,

      paranoia, much! don’t think there’s much there worth track covering…and the spooks could always find it anyway if they really wanted. 🙂


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