And penultimately…

11 hours left…

…i guess i should offer some wishes to those who have stood by me, despite it all.

I’m not going to mention friends and similar here, because although some of you have been especially marvellous, if i started to list you out (and your qualities) i’d still be typing tomorrow morning. All the same, i am utterly, utterly impressed by how almost every single person i know has stood by me and how some groups – the mums at school and church: the staff at tesco and so on – have given me total faith in the goodness of people.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So just three mentions.

Andrea, who has remained with me and stood up for me and basically metamorphosed into a somewhat pitbullish advocate for a process that has given her such enormous grief and loss over the last year. If i am distant, it is because i am scared to open so many subjects right now: on my side, though, there is love and appreciation and amazement that she is still here and the most enormous gratitude for that.

Rafe (the hitherto unnamed boy) who has grown over the last 18 months in the shadow of my transition. He, too, has turned pitbull and whilst i try to stop him from fighting – his favourite hobby right now – i cannot chide too much a boy who has twice in twelve months stood beside his parents and heard them threatened by anonymous strangers. He wants to stick up for me – not least because, as he happily puts it, I’m “a girl now” – and clearly need a big strapping 6-year-old battling on her behalf.

Watching him strut (yes, he really does) around Rutland water, or at his school fete i felt tears in my eyes. He is beautiful. I love him with all my heart.

And love, too, for Natasha, my daughter, who maybe has had one of the hardest times with this. Unlike Rafe, she has grown up with me. Indeed, after Misz (the cat who died last year) she has probably spent the longest continuous period of time of anyone in my household, which maybe makes her the most disrupted of all.

No pulling punches: you have been, you know you have been a difficult teenager. 🙂

But you, too, are beautiful and i can sense you getting ready to fly. I love you, too, Tash – and looking forward to seeing you again.

(And thanks for your lovely blog).

I am tempted – so tempted – to pull out something about the way in which the three of you squabble. I have wished i could do more to stop that – and regret that i haven’t. Still, do try NOT to murder your little brother over the TV remote. It really isn’t worth it!

Goodnight – and see you all soon.

jane
xx

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