Disaster beyond words…

I am shaking…gutted.

Because the thing I feared most has turned up in my pre-op tests.

No. Not a definite barrier. But a hurdle I have to overcome, with just three working days to go.

Blood. Blood in my urine. Which my gp and everyone who I’ve spoken to goes: its probably nothing.

But apparently I should not proceed with my op unless I have some additional tests. Which Brighton can carry out. But which will require, possibly, a lot of extra expense. The best part of £1,000!

And the possibility…supposedly a long shot, but the possibility, nonetheless of a last minute test and red light.

Aaaaargh! I can’t stand this. Its been a week so far of badly behaved relatives (of which more later). Not unexpected, apparently: I am told that all those who don’t want the op to happen tend to wait til the last minute to raise objections.

But still. Liz – bless her! – at Brighton tells me this is routine…that she is 99% sure there won’t be a problem. I just have to find the funding and we are emergency asking the pcty if they’ll stump up the cash. After all, i’ll need the investigation and i’ll be in a clinic that includes a consultant urologist amongst its staff. Sort of makes sense to get it done there.

But the final test will be carried out, probably, when I go under. Huh? So in theory I could wake and the op not be done.

I don’t think I could stand that.

Still, it puts everything into perspective: doubts and the like. As the date has come closer, I’ve begun to feel the pressure and begun to wonder, to worry as to whether this is right for me.

Hmmm. Nope. The thought of not going ahead on the 12th has me howling inside.

I can’t.

I can’t.

I can’t.

This op has to happen. I can’t imagine what I’d do if it didn’t.




10 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Paula said,

    More rot.. most people have some blood in their urine.. it’s completely normal. This smacks of just another way to fleece more money from transpeople.


  2. 2

    As you know, being under general anaesthetic for a long time is always risky. I know how much you want this, but it isn’t something to risk your life for – not when, if there is a big problem (which is unlikely) you could wait and get it done later and then enjoy many happy years with your body the way you want it.

    I realise it’s scary and frustrating, but be brave. The chances are that things will be fine; it may cost more, but it will be worth it.

  3. 3

    Natacha said,

    Take care Jane, as Jennie says, don’t take any unnecessary risks.

    I’m sure you’ll be fine anyway.

  4. 4

    Anna Raccoon said,

    Chin up Jane – over here in France I’m scheduled for major blood letting and sharp knives on Bastille Day of all days – the French have a reputation for being a bit slap dash as to what they chop on that day…….they’ll probably send for me in a tumbril rather than an ambulance!
    I shall be thinking of you.

  5. 5

    katrina2 said,

    Stay strong Jane, all will be well xx.

  6. 6

    Lois said,

    Perhaps it’s my distrustful mind but I can’t help wondering if it’s a way of getting another grand out of you. I’m sure that everything will be good. Stay strong, my prayers are for you xx

  7. 8

    Jules said,

    Thinking of you! Julesx

  8. 9

    spirifer said,

    Where are they saying the blood’s come from? Despite what someone said above, blood in the urine isn’t normal.

    I’d really want to know where it’s coming from, if anywhere.

    • 10

      janefae said,

      hmmm. apparently it is fairly common. (bear in mind that this is “microscopic traces”)

      99% of the time its trivial. Aspirin could cause it. So could tight knickers. It could be polyps which will need sorting out eventually. One nurse said some people “just leak”. In a very very small number of cases, it could be something big: early stage prostate cancer, f’rinstance…

      chances are it is one of the minor things…

      the real killer is: the final test will be after i get the anaesthetic…so i won’t know til i wake whether i was ok and am post-op…or whether my life goes back on hold. ugh!


Comment RSS · TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: