Misery – and anticipation

Definitely in a strange place right now. Feeling very down…which I suspect is part psychology and part hormonal. Utterly exhausted. Again, probably part and part…but last few nights, just found myself dropping to sleep at a horrendously early hour.

Sparkle is missing. So are my boobs! It feels like they’ve shrunk.. . I hate that!

I really don’t like feeling like this.

And yes. I am feeling quite terrified. Not about the op itself. More about the afterward. All the things people have warned me of and the thought of dilation and sorting hormones again and…well, everything just feels overwhelming right now. Lots of tears.

But not all bad. Time is starting to run away with me.. . so much so that I missed marking yesterday’s milestone: now less than 300 hours to go.

I am so looking forward…I am so scared.

(i don’t think there is a smiley to express that!



3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Jane bloggs said,

    I’ve already had loads of plastic surgery and skin grafts (to correct a problem I had with my hands at birth) , but still the thought of SRS and FFS does fill me with dread .

    Like you say its the post op part that seems so scary. The build up must be awful though ,and the counting down…(Thats the bit that worries me too).

    You’ll be in my thoughts Jane , and I hope everything works out beyond good. (I wish I could give you a big hug for support, a cyber hug will have to do! ;P)

    All the love,
    Jane Bloggs

  2. 2

    Sarah said,

    The boob thing is just water loss from menopause. They’ll come back quickly, I promise.

  3. 3

    oatc said,

    You might write a piece examining whether all this suffering from coming off hormones is necessary, down to surgeons not updating their understanding of estrogens, or just down to the surgeon’s insurers.

    Hint: it isn’t necessary, and is actively harmful because estrogen substantially help healing. As does sleep, which also get disrupted. Also confidence, and organising ability, which also tend to be needed at this juncture. The thrombosis risk should be assessed individually, and blood thinners given where necessary. Natural estradiol taken other than orally (patches, gel, injections, sub-lingually) doesn’t increase thrombosis risk anyway. I’ve never stopped my hormones in 40 years and a few months now, though several major surgeries, all with surgeon’s clearance except with SRS, when I had to hide them. The BIG thing is not smoking, and not being anywhere near smoke whilst healing.

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