Tonight I learnt two lessons in comportment that probably don’t get taught at Charing Cross – or any other Gender Identity Clinic.

I took the boy out to see Thor. It was preview night and the boy had been drooling over clips for several weeks. Drooling, that is, until tonight, when he realised going to the cinema meant leaving the comfort of home and, er, going to the cinema.

Still, his objections lasted all of about 20 seconds, until he was in the car. At the cinema, he decided he MUST get to see the next Pirates of the Carib, as well as the next Johnny English.

And he loved the film. Loads of cgi animation, ice giants, big blonde guy hurling hammer, evil brother, sword and sorcery, violence without blood. It was OK in a sort of comicbook way, which is about right for what it was.

I, on the other hand, settled back, enjoyed some of the effects, but otherwise found myself mostly identifying with.. . the heroine of the piece: Jane.


But on to the lessons. Boy demanded a bag of popcorn, which set us back the best part of £4. What! Thankfully I defied the edicts of the cinema gods, and took a surreptitious bottle of squash in with me, else keeping the boy fed and watered was going to cost the best part of £6.


The boy munched his way through most of the popcorn, pausing only to offer the occasional handful to me, at which point:

Lesson 1.: Now that one has what the local school tastefully describes as décolletage, but which the rest of the world calls “cleavage”, dropped popcorn does not just work its way to the floor. It has a nasty, scratchy habit of finding its way into the space between your boobs. Ugh!

Lesson 2.: Picking said popcorn out from between one’s boobs and eating it is seriously unladylike. I think I’d extracted about four or five pieces before it quite dawned what I was up to. At least it was dark and, it being at an exciting moment in the film, I suspect no-one much noticed. Still: its not a habit to repeat.

One learns something every day.


P.S. There was a sort of lesson 3, although that applies irrespective of gender or cleavage. It is: do not place the almost empty pack of popcorn in your handbag on the way home, as it is almost certain to tip up and deposit large quantities of popcorn all oer your handbag. I feel a tidy coming on.


2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    eclectic chicken said,

    who says its unladylike eating food out of your cleavage? -as long as one does it subtly its perfectly acceptable behaviour. (I’m rescuing cake crumbs as i type)

    I think you’ll find men have a similar habit created by beard/chesthair/top of pot belly.

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