The other thing, that I was mixing up with my comment yesterday, was around connection and detachment.
Whether it is fair of me to gender that observation, i am not sure. For now, though, i have – but remain open to persuasion either way.
Literary detour: a book that affected me very deeply the first time I read it was E M Forster’s “Howard’s End” – which begins with the very cryptic suggestion, before the book proper: “Only Connect”.
I always felt that work was one of genius. Very under-rated, because as well as developing that theme through the book’s narrative – which is mostly about class prejudice, but told through the story of a bloke who seems unable to connect his words and actions to their effects – it also brought the same idea back and back again through the use of all manner of allusion and musical metaphor. I sort of remember crying when I finished the book.
But I digress.
For all that I have “got on with people” throughout my life, I have always felt just that bit detached. Disconnected. There have been disconnects everywhere: the same disconnect between emotion and actioni that Forster writes of.
An (over-)intellectualisation of a lot of issues. A detachment from the causes I espouse. And whilst the latter may make me quite effective as a (political) operator, it has meant I have always felt just that bit on the outside.
Did I mention – sure I have 🙂 – that the entire transition process feels like “coming home”. Well it has been that across the board. No longer so detached from people: and definitely no longer detached from causes.
What that means for the long run, I have no idea. I do know that for the first time, I feel as though I am working from the inside of communites, as opposed to working outside and on their behalf. That feels so much better, so much more fulfilling.