Back to quack

This was another one of those updates i didn’t get around to writing. My meet with the gender specialist…and slightly trepidacious outcome from same.

You may recall that i was not best impressed with my testosterone results. Three/four months in…and the testosterone was actually ever so slightly up on where i started. The oestrogen, by contrast, was encouragingly elevated.

Well, the feedback was a bit bad and a bit good. The bad was that apparently my oestrogen isn’t as elevated as it could be. I score about 170 something or other…when i should be looking for double that.


On the other hand, according to the good Doctor, i shouldn’t obsess too much about the absolute levels. Something to do with receptors: if i have plenty of receptors i’ll get the body development; and if i haven’t, i won’t.

In either case, this is largely unaffected by the absolute oestrogen (or testosterone) levels.

Sounds plausible, but still, i had a day or two of misery worrying about whether i might turn out to be one of those women who just don’t develop. Oh, please, please!

On t’other other hand, the Doc was pleased about me presenting far more female than i had previously. We had words about the concept of “passing”: he’s still a fan of that, and encouraging me to consider facial feminisation surgery before or as well as the grs… and i am more determined than ever to move the grs forward.

I asked about why all the hurdles when there were no similar hurdles for getting married or having a child. He said that you don’t tend to get sued in those circs. Ah. So it is about back-covering, rather than patient’s best interest?

A grudging nod by way of reply.

And there we were. My medication has now changed over to progynova, which comes in packs of nice sugar-coated pills. I have hopes for them and, the fact that i have gone back to tingling all over at the oddest of times suggests that maybe they are having an effect.

On the way out, i challenged once more about using my name…as opposed to the one on the medical record. Another shrug. I think he knows that the position he is being asked to maintain is not correct in law…but he’s a medic, and so must bow to the received medical wisdom.

Remind me never to go see a lawyer to have my appendix out.


It feels like progress…but a little faster would be nice.



2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Big Kate said,

    I’m no great fan of the idea of passing but the reality is that it helps. Not passing is like being in mill, it grinds you down, it’s a constant stressor. I always feel weird when I talk about this because I’m pretty loud as a trans activist, but I chose a hard road. I have watched friends who have chosen quieter more mainstream roads achieve far more in their lives. I ‘had’ to choose this road, but if you can choose to be fit in, don’t feel you cant because of loud activists like me. I would encourage you though, post transition, post stealth to recognise that stealth is also a set of chains albeit ones that chafe less and come loud again. There will always be more activism to do, new places to lead the fight.

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