Quandary

Well: the GIC got back again. They appear to have had a cancellation, so i have the chance of a first interview in September – which brings everything three months forward.

But…but…this leaves me in something of a quandary. Should i even go?

Reasons for going: never burn your bridges. I might still need the NHS at some point. Sure, i’ve more or less decided to go the private route, but…if the NHS, by some miracle, got a move on, that could save me a very large sum of money.

Reasons for not going: everything i think i know about the NHS route is upsetting. It feels almost like a backward step now, kow-towing to a system that is going to demand that i “prove” my identity when in fact i’ve known who i am for some time now.

Fear too, that they will throw some spanner in the works and demand i stop hormones or something equally daft. Serious question: can they?

Then there’s the whole name thing…like they insist on using my former name, when in fact i am so far removed from it now.

Suppose also i feel it might be wasting an appointment for someone else if i don’t intend to go forward – but i think that’s just excuse. I don’t KNOW i won’t use them.

Ugh! Any sensible thoughts, comments, would be very welcome.

Jane
xx

5 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Stace said,

    I suppose the big question here is: Do you see any good coming out of it, or you using the NHS at all should they say they will help you?

    Can they put the brakes on your hormones? Would they, seeing as you have been full time for quite some time now?

    If going private can you do the whole process without them, or do you need their help at some point anyway (I know almost nothing of the UK system)

    If you are absolutely positive that no matter what you are not going to use them, and you know that you do not need their assistance if going private then I suppose giving up the appointment for someone else would seem like a reasonable idea. But then only you can answer how big that if is…

    Good luck,
    Stace

    • 2

      janefae said,

      I think it boils down to two things. First, i don’t think i will end up using them. But i am a natural bet hedger. How do i know where i will be financially in a year’s time. Its just possble i MIGHT end up needing to use them. Unlikely, but…never say never.

      And you have your finger on the other side of it. If they just go: as a condition of my coming onto the NHS programme, i have to stop the hormones to get my baseline endocrines done (i have had them done already, but they could be picky) then i can cope with that. It would just make my decision for me.

      But if there is any any any way they could put a block on my getting hormones…or maybe just stop me getting them on prescription… then that is another thing entirely.

      That is the one aspect of the whole process so far that has had me…hmmmm…not suicidal, cause i don’t tend to do the self-harm schtick…but as close to despair as i have ever come.

      Otherwise, i can probably swallow my pride (!) and put up with being called stupid names and listening politely to the nice consultant…

      it just all seems so surreal. i am so far along with trasnitioning…not physically yet, but mentally, that i can’t imagine having to “prove” i’m a woman any more.

      jane
      xx

  2. 3

    Stacy said,

    I would assume that if you have had the baseline endocrines already done that you can make those available for the clinic… (Mind you making assumptions can be dangerous, especially about information transfer in the NHS)

    I also assume that you have the hormones on perscription. If so could you call the writer of those perscriptions and ask if they can be blockled by the NHS? That would help take a weight off of your mind possibly.

    Sorry if this sounds like I am treating this too simply (I find it much easier to think about this for others then when I have to do it myself, when I stress and worry constantly)

    Stace

  3. 4

    Rachel said,

    Jane, I am exactly the same position as you are. I have an appointment in October for a first consultation with the Sunderland GIC.

    I am almost convinced that I am not going to like what they are going to say. At the moment I think I am still going to go. In a way I feel a bit guilty as I could easily afford private treatment and there may be someone as desperate as I am waiting behind me but who can’t.

    I just want to talk to someone who understands this in some way because all I have had so far is kind words and the shrugging of shoulders.

    “Self-harm schtick” – schtick = “a comic theme or gimmick” – I only wish my arms and legs would see it that way.

    Rachel XXX

  4. 5

    Stace said,

    OK I wrote this yesterday but I guess I forgot to press submit, so here goes for a second try🙂

    Whilst I appriciate that the NHS does struggle with data transfer, I would hope that they can still use the origianl baseline. But then I know nothing about this, I just hope they are not that useless…

    As to the perscription, I was wondering if the person who currently writes it could tell you if the NHS could block it? That way you may get some peice of mind.

    Success,
    Stace


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