…has a way of sneaking through and upping the ante just when you thought everything was neatly under control.

Hormones, of course, are my current reality. Wonderful… the changes: some slow; some faster; others not quite quantifiable.

Was it hormones that had me in floods of tears today? Or that same sense of unrequitable loss for the life i never had? Dunno.

The past is past, and what i have is the best i can hope for.

But this weekend i started to look ahead. Surgery.

No longer if…no longer maybe…but when?

Speaking with a trans woman, now weeks post-op, i realise that it is time to start to plan again.

I will be going private. I can think about my own op not – as first i thought – two years hence, but next year.

For the first time, last night, i started to look at web sites for private surgery. Scary stuff: pics of before – and after.

Except…i am not afraid. i am looking forward. Anticipating.

I guess its going to hurt. A lot.

I know it will be worth it.

Hello again, reality. You thought you caught me out.

No way. I see you – and raise.



1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Jane (a different one) said,

    Jane, the SRS doesn’t hurt a lot, really.
    There’s some pain, there is a tremendous
    amount of discomfort but you may find
    that the relief at getting it all done,
    I mean the psychological relief,
    helps you to overcome the physical pain.
    My dear Dr Kunaporn found me one day
    crying and thought I was in pain or
    feeling regret but no, it was relief,
    joy, happiness, a sense of wholeness
    and of having achieved authenticity.
    Yes, I am the Jane who comments
    sometimes on your “Pink News” articles.
    Best wishes.

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