…has a way of sneaking through and upping the ante just when you thought everything was neatly under control.
Hormones, of course, are my current reality. Wonderful… the changes: some slow; some faster; others not quite quantifiable.
Was it hormones that had me in floods of tears today? Or that same sense of unrequitable loss for the life i never had? Dunno.
The past is past, and what i have is the best i can hope for.
But this weekend i started to look ahead. Surgery.
No longer if…no longer maybe…but when?
Speaking with a trans woman, now weeks post-op, i realise that it is time to start to plan again.
I will be going private. I can think about my own op not – as first i thought – two years hence, but next year.
For the first time, last night, i started to look at web sites for private surgery. Scary stuff: pics of before – and after.
Except…i am not afraid. i am looking forward. Anticipating.
I guess its going to hurt. A lot.
I know it will be worth it.
Hello again, reality. You thought you caught me out.
No way. I see you – and raise.