Happy girl again!
Just back from the outpatients at Stamford. I have – embarrassingly enough – a small hernia. It will need surgery.
Earlier this week, i read the instructions on the hormones packet. It is advisable, prior to an operation, to come off hormones for 4 to 6 weeks.
Ouch. No: far more than ouch! i was devastated. OK. So after ringing round every friend in the book, they all told me not to worry. I probably wouldn’t need to do that for a hernia op…but still. The idea is terrifying. Worse than.
(Thank God the tabloid press hasn’t noticed that, yet! Hormones, for me, and for any trans women, seem to perform much the same role as an addictive drug. They relax us, make us feel good: we resist their removal to the nth degree; and i suspect would have psychological withdrawal symptoms if they were taken away.
Argh! Its a drug! Ban it at once).
But still…i went to my appointment after two mostly sleepless nights. I did my best to look calm, but i really wasn’t. !Is it OK to do the op without my coming off hormones?”, i asked as nonchalantly as i could.
I burst into tears.
So i’m scheduled for (hernia) surgery in July. Yippee!
An amusing conversation followed with the receptionist on the ward where i’ll be treated. Mostly about sleeping arrangements, and whether i would be put on a men’s ward. (No way!!!)
Other than that, all power to the NHS. So far, i have been treated wonderfully by almost every bit of it. Thanks to my GP, to Stamford Hospital, and to all the nurses and staff who have taken me and my foibles in their stride.
Thanks too, to the consultant, who turns out to be a very nice man indeed.
How strange that the one place i have so far felt put down, intimidated and generally not in control of my destiny has been the psych service and the Gender Identity bods. Maybe they don’t mean it…
…maybe it is no more than the difficulty of dealing with an issue that has been psychologised – and so my every experience of NHS gender services so far has been about challenging my understanding of my identity.
Very easy to see how those who start this process with less self-assurance are very quickly worn down by it.