Heresy

Not out that long yet.  Already, though, i am starting to have “views” on accepted trans wisdom.

Take “passing”, a concept i was introduced to pretty much from day one.  Its a view, that seems to be pretty mainstream within NHS circles – and therefore by extension in some trans spaces – that ideally i should be aiming to counterfeit a real woman as closely as possible.

Sounds plausible.  But actually it imposes an awful condition from the strt.  If i’m to be a REAL transwoman, i have to subject myself on a daily basis to the judgment of others.  It no longer matters whether i am happy with where i am going.

There is a whole world jury out there who will happily decide for me.

Well it hasn’t taken me long at all to work out how deeply depressing such a set-up is bound to be.  i won’t argue the case here.  This blog does it far more eloquntly than i can.

i’ll just add a couple of thoughts.  First, in the period before i came out, i amused myself by putting u links to certain songs tat held special meanng for me.

“Defying Gravity”,  from “Wicked” was one. 

“I am what I am” was another. 

And that’s the bottom line: if i were in my youth, i could imagine becoming quite “passable”.  As it is, i am middle-aged: not ideal transition material.  And yet…do i care?  No.

The condition is called “gender dysphoria”: it means i am out of sorts with my body and gender.  i am not possessed of some odd desire to mimic someone else.

When all this is through, i will be far more female than now.  That is enough.

And the second thought?  i guess its contained in the above.  Each step along the way is gain.  i am out, whatever i am

if that doesn’t suit, tough!  i am happier daily than in a lifetime of being “passable” as a male.

jane

xx

3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Wonderer said,

    Ideally it shouldn’t be about “passing”; it should be about being who you want to be; presenting how you choose. But given our (society’s) present familiarity with certain gender idioms, some may feel it more comfortable to conform to one or the other than to create new ways of being and presenting. And others choose to express themselves – at least in certain venues – in ways which they know will challenge stereotypes..

  2. 2

    Julian said,

    What do you mean, ‘aiming to counterfeit a real woman?’ What IS a real woman? No woman is more ‘real’ than any other woman – something cis women get to deal with extensively as teenagers when everyone suddenly starts painting, plucking, pinching and pruning themselves into a caricature of their own perception of what a woman should look like…

    • 3

      spirifer said,

      Julian – that is a very good point. If one looks at the images of “womanhood” presented to us by the media, one would imagine that all women were immaculate size 10 wonder-wimmin with immaculate houses, immaculate husbands and immaculate children, as well as being frighteningly intelligent assertive full-time-working career-building ball-busters in the boardroom!

      I suppose one of the benefits of getting older is knowing yourself and knowing what makes you and yours happy, and caring less and less about what people who don’t really matter to you think about you.

      When one thinks of the vast spectrum of human experience, from gender, values, beliefs, appearance, ideals etc etc, it does seem strange that we en masse are so content to allow society/media/whatever to define such a narrow range of examples of humanity to represent us on a day to day basis, rather than celebrating our incredibly rich diversity.


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