Not out that long yet. Already, though, i am starting to have “views” on accepted trans wisdom.
Take “passing”, a concept i was introduced to pretty much from day one. Its a view, that seems to be pretty mainstream within NHS circles – and therefore by extension in some trans spaces – that ideally i should be aiming to counterfeit a real woman as closely as possible.
Sounds plausible. But actually it imposes an awful condition from the strt. If i’m to be a REAL transwoman, i have to subject myself on a daily basis to the judgment of others. It no longer matters whether i am happy with where i am going.
There is a whole world jury out there who will happily decide for me.
Well it hasn’t taken me long at all to work out how deeply depressing such a set-up is bound to be. i won’t argue the case here. This blog does it far more eloquntly than i can.
i’ll just add a couple of thoughts. First, in the period before i came out, i amused myself by putting u links to certain songs tat held special meanng for me.
“Defying Gravity”, from “Wicked” was one.
“I am what I am” was another.
And that’s the bottom line: if i were in my youth, i could imagine becoming quite “passable”. As it is, i am middle-aged: not ideal transition material. And yet…do i care? No.
The condition is called “gender dysphoria”: it means i am out of sorts with my body and gender. i am not possessed of some odd desire to mimic someone else.
When all this is through, i will be far more female than now. That is enough.
And the second thought? i guess its contained in the above. Each step along the way is gain. i am out, whatever i am
if that doesn’t suit, tough! i am happier daily than in a lifetime of being “passable” as a male.