Mundaneity

The hardest thing about this blog, i can see, will be keeping it up to date with new and exciting content.

Today i brushed my teeth and re-shaped my eyebrows may be very satisfying from my point of view: but its hardly the stuff that i imagine my readers are particularly interested in seeing day in, day out.

Because change is still there, but it is getting slower and more subtle.  My friends almost all know now: telling has become a chore rather than a moment of panic.

my local Tesco are pretty much used to me in a skirt.  The staff have got over their initial shock – and even talk to me as though all is ordinary.  Well, almost all the staff: there is just the one security guard who still gives me strange looks.

As for name: “jane” fits more and more easily.  i like to hear it: like to be called by MY name now – and if there’s still a step to go in terms of working out whether to keep surname to go with it, or change altogether, well: that’s a debate still to be had.

Alright: one small new experience.  Not the newness of skirts, but the familiarity of them.  Today, walking upstairs, i caught myself moving as someone who is used to dressing this way.  That is new, and maybe in a strange way its how i shall turn mundaneity into newness for a while.

First, there is the newness of things being new.  Now, there is the newness of things being familiar and no longer new.

i feel very happy in myself: very very content.

if i have a wish for today, it is that others, too, can share my happiness.

jane

1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    gcb said,

    Hello Jane,

    I have followed your story from the Mail and also your online work. I noticed you said something like, as John you would receive 000’s of hits, as Jane, hardly any at all. So I looked at your posts as Jane Fae.

    I was interested in your post about going to see your Parish Priest. I am a member of the same Church as yourself. I am sure fr C is probably playing for time, probably seeking some advice, just as you have imagined. He will have little knowledge how to advise, I am sure.

    Over the last few weeks your appearance has changed. I noticed a few weeks ago you stopped wearing your glasses and looked as if you had lost weight.
    The following week your hair colour had changed. So, the transgretion (excuse my poor spelling and grammar) has been gradual but noticeable.
    You will get the stares, as you have already experienced, and people may not openly talk to you, but that does not mean they won’t be supportive.
    I know I am writing this somewhat anomous but that is just the way I am, quite shy and not a great conversationalist, but I felt it would be wrong of me to read your words and not comment or give my support.
    I hope everyone in the Church gives you support. Every one of us has a public side, a private side and a secret side, though not many will admit it… I probably wouldn’t either!!
    Living as a catholic, married or otherwise, is complicated and I am sure the rules are not laid in stone, as a child I was always told “examine your conscience”. If what you feel…. feels right, then it is. No-one has the right to question it.
    Our Priest doesn’t have the answers, non of them have, they will make a man made judgement based on what they know about life.
    I wish you all the best.

    G


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