Masochism

Having survived the community psychiatrist, you’d think this girl would be sensible and call it a day.  Nah!

 i’m out.  Almost.  There are still a few places i’ll be careful about.  But i have no desire to hide anymore.  So yesterday evening it was off to my LOCAL tesco in my denim skirt, on my own, without protective partner to hide behind.

Ouch!  And not just because my pumps still pinch and i have rubbed a blister on my left foot.

 i felt utterly exposed.  Although, of course, no-one said anything.  Like a grown-up version of “Grandmother’s footsteps”: all these people creeping up behind me; but whenever i turn around, they’re looking the other way.

 Aaaargh!   Paranoia?  Or does no-one really notice after all?  This won’t sound rational.  i don’t want them to say anything.  But i do.  i want to know that they’ve noticed and that its OK.

 Even, that they’ve noticed and its NOT OK.  The silence is unnerving.

 i am stressed (again).

 jane

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