Coming out

The other thing to happen today was a coming out in public for the first time ever.

No.  Not quite accurate.  Today, to the nail varnish and neatly plucked eyebrows: the perfume and jewellery; today i added a skirt, stockings, pumps.

No doubt now that whoever i am, i am not as other guys, and some of the looks and a very few of the comments made that clear to me.

according to andrea, most looks were ok.  Faintly amused, quickly turning aside to some other distraction.  a few seemed genuinely non-plussed: a sort of sci-fi computeresque “does not compute”, attempting to match top half (male, slim, slightly effeminate) with bottom half (very femme, stylish, something else).

as andrea put it: as well i didn’t stand still, as some would, no doubt, have got totally stuck in the discontiunity.

the worst reaction i got?  a Big Issue salesman who went: “Big Issue?  Whatever you are”.

In one mega-supermarket (Tesco Bar Hill, in case you were wondering) two ladies apparently chose to giggle rudely over my appearance out of earshot.  My earshot, that is.

Unfortunately for them, not outwith andrea’s hearing.  she wandered up to them and interrupted with “But at least she’s not horrendously fat…like you two are”.

Politically incorrect?  But of course: that is a defining characteristic of the woman.

Also, perhaps, a tad more rude than i would ever venture…but maybe, for once, deserved.

i am out, in so many ways now.  i am sad that this is disruptive to those around, but i can’t put it back in the bottle.  its me.



2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Dennis said,

    Congratulations, jane, on your first day out. It’s ok to take up space.. if the others don’t like it, let them move back.

    A sage piece of advice here from an old crip who is used to being public property and noticed a lot.. Never forget that you don’t know what someone is thinking when they notice you.. I have learned at my cost that smart remarks are sometimes undeserved.

    Some will hate you. Most won’t care. Some of them will be admiring your guts. Some will see themselves in you, as so many are non normative themselves outloud and in secret. Other trans people most of all will recognise you and feel solidarity.. most importantly trans kids will see something they need to know. For every person who feels personally affronted by your presence, there are still more who gain something from passing by you and your existence in the world.

    Ignore them, do your shopping, smile at those who catch your eye (and you’ll be surprised how many smile back, lots of those straight / mardy faces are people busy with their own thing tbh), treat those who directly address you with whatever manners they deserve, some of those who speak to you will say brilliant things you’ll feel proud to hear (e.g. I admire your guts) others will say nasty things which you will learn in time to let roll off your back more easily because they are stupid and ignorant.

    Their views at the end of the day don’t matter. You exist in the world and you are you regardless of how others view you and you are O.K.


  2. 2

    Adrian said,

    Congratulations Jane, and very best of luck.

    I don’t know if it’s Big Issue sellers as a group, or perhaps relates to their shared experience. But once several years ago I was walking down the road with a TS who was lucky enough to have transitioned (is that the right word?) very young, and whom very few who didn’t know guessed.

    Not this guy. ‘Big Issue, chaps?’. I suppose that’s unnecessary more than unpleasant though.

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