Zugswang

(which, for the non-chess players out there, is a position where you have to make a move…but there is no move you can make that won’t make your position WORSE than it is now). 

Which is how I feel on reading t’other half’s post this evening.  Like: if I do add my take, our loyal readers (all two of you) are going to think we have descended to communicating by blog when, in fact, we’ve now discussed and (maybe) resolved some of the issues raised.

Anyway, I certainly don’t want this to become tit for tat, or even to look like it is.  Nor point score.  Nor any of the other half dozen things it looks like i might be about to do.

so let’s just own that i am probably being very irritating right now.  Earlier today, on another forum, i wrote:

“My partner has been/is being massively supportive…but still sometimes the transition get to her (like today) and she just doesn’t want to know.  Of late, its me going very “girly” on her.  I’ve been in hiding all my life…and since coming out, its one long procession of stuff that has me giggling and excited like every day is suddenly christmas morning. 

“I shall try to be a bit less excitable: but it is very hard.”

So.  Point taken.  At base though, for me, is a debate inside and with her not just about whether i am to become a woman, but what sort of woman – and therefore what sort of relationship we are to have in future.

Perhaps i am temporarily overwhelmed with all this soft, fun stuff.  Not sure that’s the case, though.  i think i love it far more than she ever has and…well…perhaps that will be no larger issue than every other longstanding couple in which ONE half spends far too long beautifying in the bathroom, whilst the other grumpily assents that she “looks OK”.

i care about how things look, and i so wish she did too. 

Yes.  i have to confess to going all housewifely today.  Not much difference in the division of labour: i’ve always done the washing up, and ironing.  just now it feels righter and, ffs… today she has been unwell and grumpy and now she’s complaining that i have done nothing but bring her copious amounts of tea, coffee, toast, three cooked meals…plus chocolate tart and ice cream.

i LOVE looking after her…even if she is a grumpy cow!

as for who gets to wear the obscenely expensive frothy dress if we ever DID get hitched.  There’s no contest sweetie: its all mine.

🙂

jane

xxx

3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    eclectic chicken said,

    you double counted the toast…its toast and two hot meals or three hot meals. That said i’m still not sure toast counts as a hot meal. But thankyou for the looking after…your ever loving pedant

    a
    x

  2. 2

    debz furneaux said,

    have left long comment on andreas feel free to peruse and for the record – i dont feel there is tit for tat going on – you both have your feelings and venting them on your blogs is just another way to communicate them!

  3. 3

    Dennis said,

    left this on a’s blog by accident!!

    My dear Femme sister

    You need to get a femmesistergirlfriend to talk about hair and make up and clothes with a bit more to take some of the strain off your missus, cos it’s not her thing. Why don;t you start giving me a quick call each day with the lowdown on todays status of make up/skirtyness / lipstick whatever

    I wonder if your missus needs a night out with the lads and you need a sorely missed adolescent weekend at femme friend’s house doing hair and make up etc – other women sometimes forget how many of us spent many hours doing things like this as we entered womanhood (like it or not!) – you have a lot to catch up on.

    I love all that stuff – maybe we can arrange something, bring all your girly stuff and we’ll spend a weekend (or even better a couple of kid free weekdays) doing all that great stuff🙂

    Dennis xx


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