Well. I am finally “out” to pretty much every single significant person in my life.
Not – yet – to work colleagues. That is a pleasure still to come. But close friends…supportive types…and family. Hmmm.
There remain a couple of ex’s to inform. My ex. My partner’s ex. How they will react is an unknown quantity and i have at very least a small twinge of doubt: a fear that my ex…even now…will use this to point score. To stir.
Time will tell.
The truly bad news, however, is my daughter’s reaction. We have not been an entirely happy family unit for a while. Two girls, both aged 16…one mine, one my partner’s.
The hardest relationship in the household was always bound to be the one between my daughter and my partner: the step-mum/step-daughter relationship that forms the core of many a dark and gruesome fairy tale. Cinderella. Snow White. Hansel and Gretel.
Then, too, there is the tendency, with twosomes, to gravitate to polar opposites. For one party to become the good sheep, t’other to mutate into grumpy goat. Black and white. Nice and naughty.
We have tried – but over the years, there has been so much more of goat than sheep about my daughter.
And now this. yesterday, she intimated she might wish to move out.
Oh – nothing to do with what I am going through. Except…
She has told none of her friends: a bad sign, perhaps, in that the news is so bad she can’t even bring herself to tell those closest to her. And she is afraid of what “they” will think.
They, in this instance, are the amorphous anonymous mass of other sixth-formers. The ones who, she just knows, are going to see this as essentially weird and make fun of her for “something that isn’t her fault”.
She is taking this badly.
Worse: she won’t talk about how bad this is making her feel. i don’t know what to do or say…except to be there…to be prepared to talk and support. i guess i have two fears now.
The first is that we are beyond talking. Too much history and this is the final straw.
The second, that she will now make some choice – leaving school, returning to her mum, whatever – which will also not work out: will drop yet another failure on her doorstep and leave her feeling like she has put her foot in it again.
i don’t know how to help her. i wish i did.